Here is some things I wrote in a chat conversation recently, something about the idea of staying far away from someone on purpose. I edited and only put here the bits on the conversation that I wrote.

why isn't it possible to think of seeing each other and it being harmless?
maybe it is possible
maybe it would just be super ok
not a huge deal
i always imagine that upcoming situations and meetings are going to freak out the whole rest of my life... and actually they rarely do
i often like the idea that they could
and I even get disappointed at how banal they are
sometimes I wish I skipped the meeting and kept on with the waiting, just to hold onto the big ideas
i laugh at myself about that a lot actually

so maybe I'm not so into the truth afterall

I think its possible I am way more dramatic and a lot less shy when I am interfaced.

and though I like to think that interfaced talking is totally connected to the real life relationships
its so not
i learned that so many times

"How do I look?"
"Just like always. Just as you’ve always looked."
"And what does that look like?"
"Direct and vague. Sweet and ironic."

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